How To Toast Your Career As A Writer

1. Whine. Publicly. Often. It’s okay to say you’re busy and overwhelmed (who isn’t?). But please, don’t complain about how hard it is being a published author. Most writers would kill to be in your shoes. Shut up and be damn happy to be living your dream.

2. Bitch about your editor or your agent and how they don’t understand you, how could they not sell that brilliant work of yours, or how they picked apart your fabulous book and made you rewrite it when it was so perfect the first time. And make sure to do it publicly. Kiss of death. Dumbass. (See #1)

3. Vent your frustrations publicly about a rejection, then blame everyone but yourself and the fact that for some reason, that particular book didn’t work. Yeah, that’s professional. Not. (Do you smell something burning?…oh, that’s your career going up in smoke. Editors and agents read blogs, you moron.) :dumbass:

4. Fail to see that anything….ANYTHING…you say publicly is just that–public. Even if you think you’re in a private, super secret group. You’re not. Everything can be lifted and posted elsewhere. Spend ten minutes tooling through blogland and you’ll find this to be true. If you wouldn’t want something you say to be blasted across the internet, then don’t say it anywhere. Anywhere. Otherwise, don’t be surprised when it shows up on someone else’s blog.

5. Blog in a fit of anger. Go ahead, I dare you. I find it awesomely entertaining, even though you come across as a brainless twit. And once said, you can’t take it back and say ‘But I didn’t mean it.’ Yes, you did mean it and now it’s out there forever. Count to ten, vent to your closest friends, then delete, delete, delete.

6. Crucify bestselling authors because they’re better than you. Call them no talent hacks and say your books are better. Try your best to make them look bad. You won’t succeed. The only one who will look like a dumbass is you. And you’ll drive up those authors book sales. Well done. Those authors should send you a thank you note for selling more of their books, while your career sinks slowly into oblivion.

7. Insult readers. And reviewers. Call them brainless nimwits who wouldn’t know a good book if someone beat them over the head with it. Um, these are the people who buy your books. And they have opinions and likes and dislikes. Not everyone will love your book. Get over it.

I’m open to more, so feel free to suggest in the comments. :giggle:

Happy Friday everyone. Go out and be nice to someone who needs it. :heart: