Conversation With The Refrigerator

Me: I’m hungry (Opens fridge door and peers inside)

Fridge: ………

Me: Well hell. Biker Dude took the leftovers to work today. Now what am I going to have for lunch?

Fridge: ………

Me: Hmmmm, I really need to go to the grocery store. It’s looking bare in here.

Fridge: ……….

Me: Ooooh! Pie! Coconut Cream pie would be a really bad idea for lunch, wouldn’t it?

Fridge: ……….

Me: Okay, fine then. No pie. I’ll find something else. (Pushes things aside and sticks head further inside).

Fridge: ……….

Me: Ew. Wtf is THAT?

Fridge: ……….

Me: Never mind. I don’t want to know what it is. (Shoves offending item back into the dark bowels of refrigerator.) Oh look! Tortillas! What could I do with these?

Fridge: ……….

Me: I could make quesadillas. Hmmmm….(searches)….no sour cream. Why is there never any freakin’ sour cream around here?

Fridge: ……….

Me: But I do have cheese. And salsa. It’ll do. (Eyes pie one more time before gathering ingredients and closing refrigerator door).

Fridge: (No, there’s nothing to eat because you haven’t dragged your lazy ass to the grocery store yet this week. You have no sour cream because every time you buy some you use it once and then the rest gets moldy and you have to throw it out because no one else eats it. And no, dumbass, pie is not a good lunch, and you’re damn lucky Biker Dude didn’t take YOUR piece of pie to work along with his own. If you’re smart you’ll eat it before he gets home, or it’s history. And quit hiding the old, gross moldy shit in my back end. It’s not going away just because you can’t see it, and eventually I’m going to start to smell. Clean me out, bitch! Oh, and do you really want me to tell you what you can do with those tortillas? :sasmokin: )